Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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