My liver just broke up with me...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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