just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
