im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
