she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
