this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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