May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
