He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
