Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
