grandma shit on top of the toilet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize