he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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