the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
