final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
