chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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