I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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