I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
