You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
