enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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