I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You took a bar mat shot.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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