theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
