Moan for me like Helen Keller
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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