Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
