i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize