Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
