i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize