I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
