glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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