Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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