I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
