Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
