Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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