we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
