for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize