I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize