Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
