you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
