I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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