Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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