I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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