ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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