My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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