were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
