My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
