It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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