I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
