Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
