this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
