I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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