Welp...herpes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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