I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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