Dual....:-)
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm both gender and math confused
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
