wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
