I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize