yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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