Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ruined the universe
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
