It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
