You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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