Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
