Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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