I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
