Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
