I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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