It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
