he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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