I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
