i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
