I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
