I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you had me at cake vodka
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
