ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
