Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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