now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I understand Curling. That high.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize