I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
