i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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