Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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