My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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