Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
