I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
