I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize