drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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