Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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