We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
