No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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