A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
