i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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